wife, mom, scrapbooker.

Wednesday, April 27, 2005

the cool kids

all throughout my school years i tried to fit in with the cool kids. everyone wants to be a part of the "cool crowd", right? well i never quite did fit in there...i always had some friends, but never the ones that everyone looked up to and wanted to be like. i finally just stopped trying after high school...these people weren't any better than the friends i had, right?

i thought i said goodbye to this complex after high school. but lately i feel myself longing to be a part of the "in crowd" of scrapbooking. for some crazy reason i tell myself that when i am part of that crowd, i will have "made it" in the industry. if these people like me, it will mean success. isn't that just crazy?! i try to be friends with everyone. i am a nice person. i want everyone to like me, to WANT to get to know me. but it doesn't always work that way. i'm trying so hard for people to like me that i am forgetting why i am doing this. i'm so caught up in trying to become a part of the "celebrity" world that i am coming off as someone i am not, and i am positive that it is obvious to others. i am NOT a chatty cathy. i am not full of insight & wisdom. i am stubborn and opinionated. i don't read tons of books. i am not an eloquent speaker (or typer in this case). i am incredibly SHY. i am a horrible conversationalist.
SO...it's my goal in the upcoming month to strive to be true to me. to stop trying to take on other people's traits so that they will like me.
in the end, the people that i want so badly to be friends with will probably like & respect me more for being an individual. my genuine self will shine through. at least that is my hope....

Tuesday, April 26, 2005

linguistics

Your Linguistic Profile:

70% General American English
10% Dixie
10% Upper Midwestern
10% Yankee
0% Midwestern



thanks, amber! :)

Monday, April 25, 2005

the BOX

i love chatterbox. i still feel the need to pinch myself every once in a while..to make sure it's real and i'm really a part of such a kind, generous company.

just thought i'd leave that for today, since i am still on a high from last night's meeting.

have a splendid day!

Saturday, April 23, 2005

attack of the killer ducks

WOW...we just saw something really scary! We did our usual Saturday morning activity-feeding the ducks at the pond across the street. Everything was fine...then two ducks decided to ATTACK this poor ugly duck with some weird red whoknowswhat growing out of his head. Maybe he was the new guy in the pond and they were showing him/her who was boss...but really...this was a BRUTAL attack...so bad we felt the need to intervene..and we did. These two ducks had wrapped their beaks completely around the base of the 3rd duck's neck...and were holding him under the water...not just for a second..for like 2-3 minutes at a time. The duck would "squak" every time they let it up for air...obviously panicked..distraught. They were plucking at it's neck, to the point where blood was gushing from this poor bird's wounds. That was when I decided to throw some small rocks at the ducks...to get them to leave this poor guy alone! It worked...they swam away...
But I felt SO bad for that poor duck!! I hope he survives!

So there's my completely pointless story for the day....

Thursday, April 21, 2005

if you're happy & you know it...

i want to be like ali and do some cartwheels. i have been a "single mom" for 6 LONG days...greg has been in scottsdale at the fairmont princess for a company retreat..golfing. i could've gone with him, but i didn't really want to...didn't sound like much fun to me. welllllllllllllllllllll................
he's comin' HOME today!!! in exactly THREE hours we will be greeting him at gate A19 with a bunch of balloons and huge smiles. i don't know if i or ally has missed him more...but boy are we glad he's home!

and to top it all off, it's thursday...and that means survivor, CSI, the Apprentice, and Without a Trace. my tv night. yeaaaaaaaaah.

ciao!

Friday, April 15, 2005

and i am happy...

I was reading Rachel's blog today... so I am following suit and listing some things that make me happy... (how easy this is to do when you're in such a good mood!)
  • A healthy child..finally!
  • A snuggly husband
  • Wendy's french fries & ketchup
  • a clean house
  • Tropical vacations (and OH how I need one..)
  • Running into friends at the store & having lunch together(thank you Drady & Alison!)
  • My Pottery Barn comforter. It's a month old & I'm still obsessed!
  • Church!
  • Being creative. That always makes me happy!

Thanks for helping me think positive, Rachel!

Prayer

Prayers are always heard. Prayers are always answered; not always the way we might want or expect, but answered nonetheless. It was a hard lesson for me growing up...to understand and accept that what the Lord has planned for me is not always what I want. But as an "adult" (I admit that reluctantly..hehe), I have learned that what is best for me is what will happen. And my testimony of prayer is strong.

As I reminded Ally of her doctor's appointment last night at bedtime, she became upset and started whimpering. (they poke her finger to draw blood at every appointment..she understandably hates it!) So, I figured, the opportunity had presented itself to teach my scared little girl about the power of prayer.
me: You know, sweetie...if you're feeling scared, you can just say a prayer to Heavenly Father and He will help you not be scared.
ally: I don't want anymore pokes, Mom. Am I going to be all better?
me: Why don't you say a prayer and ask Heavenly Father to help you be all better tomorrow? You can ask Him for help anytime you need something.
Ally proceeds to say a sweet prayer, "blessing Ally to be all better".

Our appointment with Dr. Goldman was today. I was convinced that her platelets levels would indicate another hospital stay was needed. I was prepared for it. I'd had two weeks to ready myself for the bad news. But when Dr. Goldman walked into the exam room with an ear-to-ear grin, I felt my heart jump. Could it be? Did her body finally decide to heal itself..on it's own? No more treatments?! He opened his arms and asked Ally for a "princess hug", since he wouldn't be seeing her again. It was true!!! My baby is free from any kind of illness for the first time in two years!!! No more asthma, no more blood disorders...no more DOCTORS visits!!

Prayers are heard. Prayers are answered. It was proven to me once again today.

Sunday, April 10, 2005

Sundays like this...

Oh how hard it is to get out of bed! It's dark & gloomy...looks like rain is coming... I just wanna snuggle up in my new oh-so-comfy Pottery Barn comforter and sleep the day away... Yes, that would be nice...but Church is at 1:30. I need it today. I seem to give myself a spiritual break on the weekend...bad, I know. Ehhh.

Speaking of sleep... I don't seem to ever get any lately. Don't get me wrong, I am in bed for a good 9 hours at night and another hour and a half during Ally's nap...but it never feels like I've slept. I'm easily awoken..which is very un-ME...I can usually sleep through about anything. It's so weird, because I don't remember having these sleep problems with my last pregnancy until late in the 3rd trimester. Ah well.

My friend Shelley Anderson posted a layout on the Chatterbox DT site yesterday about her neighborhood & how awesome it is. Parties, games, good times. I felt a twinge of jealousy. Our neighborhood is pretty boring. Everyone pretty much keeps to themselves. We only "know" two of our 4 surrounding neighbors...but "hello" and "have a good day" are pretty much the only exchanges that go on between us. Isn't that sad?! I'm not a total social butterfly...but a block party once a month would be nice, huh? :) Maybe I can shoot the idea out to the neighborhood comittee (why do they exsist? lol).

Well sheesh...didn't mean to sit here and complain for three paragraphs! But sometimes, ya know.... ;)

Friday, April 08, 2005

Cleanin'

Today I am cleaning...the entire house. Isn't it amazing how DIRTY one's house can get in a week's time? It really wouldn't be that bad..except I've been out of the house a lot this week..and not a lot of cleaning (outside of dishes) has been done this week. In fact, I hadn't done one load of laundry until today. Yep, that's BAD.

I am not a big fan of cleaning...but once I start, I am like a cleanin' demon..you can't stop me! Which is good...especially on days like today.. :)

Thursday, April 07, 2005

Comparison...

I was reading Allison's blog the other day..in which she wrote about always comparing herself to others...which I do a lot. I hate it. It gets me nowhere, but something inside me just makes me do it. Lately, it's my scrapbooking that I am comparing to others... Is it good enough for me to be in the position I'm in or have I just gotten lucky...been in the right places at the right times? Really... I have some major insecurity issues...which I try not to let out into the open very often. I made that mistake a few times amongst people who I thought to be friends...and it came back to bite me in the butt...turns out they thought I was just looking for attention...seeking praise. That's just not me. Do you ever feel that way? Like you don't measure up? I need to find a way to quit. It's not just in scrapbooking...it's the way I look, the way I dress, how spiritual I am, how happy our family is, etc. What an awful way to live, always feeling like you need to be *as good* as everyone else.

Anyone have any ideas on how to conquer this?

Wednesday, April 06, 2005

Love/Hate!

Ok..I love TwoPeas...I REALLY do...

BUT MY GOSH! Enough already! I am SO tired of trying to post, or just browse..and the site crashes. It happens to me at LEAST 5 times a day..and I am not even on that much. Very frustrating!

Ok, I feel better now...

Tuesday, April 05, 2005

Two very different C words...

Ahh what a weekend! I love Conference weekend. It always comes exactly when I *really* need it. I'll be honest..I've felt quite lost the past 6 months or so...I've tried to snap out of it on my own, but the Conference speakers gave me the kick in the pants I needed and I can already see & feel the difference. The closer I am to the Lord, the better my life goes. I am happier, have more patience, and can better control my whacked out emotions. I need my Heavenly Father!

We had an interesting day today...I had a feeling to call my sister this afternoon...and the timing couldn't have been better. She found out today that her husband is cheating on her...AGAIN. I thought she was crazy for forgiving him the first time it happened 5 years ago...but in all honesty I probably would have, too...just because of the sacred nature of temple marriage. We are all imperfect in our own ways...we are commanded to forgive everyone and not to judge. As easy as it is to call him a jerk and shout "DIVORCE!", we have to step back and say, "who am I to judge him?". Sure, I've never cheated on my husband, so it's not a completely equal comparison...but I have several imperfections that could easily add up to the iniquity of my brother in law. I also have to remember the little saying..."What would Christ do?" He would be disappointed..yes. But He would forgive him and love him the same. Remember the story of the woman who had committed adultry and the men were ready to stone her? Christ said, "let he who is without sin cast the first stone." Since my goal in life is to try to live as He would, my only real choice is to forgive Eric. I can be my sister's crying shoulder...I can understand her choices and support her. But I know in the end she will forgive him, because she has always been a Christ-like example to me...

Rough times. But I know my sweet sister will make it through...

Saturday, April 02, 2005

Dealing with ITP...

I forgot to add this to my previous post...

We got some not-so-good news from Ally's hematologist, Dr. Goldman. Her platelet count has plummeted...we went from 450,000 2 weeks ago to 150,000 this week. That's a huge decrease in a short period of time. Dr. Goldman is expecting that when Ally goes back in 2 weeks, her levels will be somewhere around 50,000. And that is NOT good at all. He says that if her levels are at 200,000 or higher at her next appointment, we are free & clear. However, neither of us are optimistic that her levels will magically increase within the next two weeks. We're expecting the opposite, in fact. Which means another 2-3 days in the hospital...rock-hard beds, barely edible food, and watching the medical staff "torture" my daughter. After the treatment come the headaches, high fevers, chills, sweats... My poor baby... She's been through SO much in her 3 years of life. More than most will deal with in a lifetime. I just want it to STOP! ENOUGH! I have to be patient and bear my burdens...this too shall pass...

On a brighter note, I feel incredibly blessed that while dealing with such a stressful disease, we have the most incredible doctor, Dr. Goldman. He is truly in the right field; pediatrics. Alyssa LOVES him...he makes sure she is comfortable and has fun, despite the circumstances. He hugs her and always remembers the things she likes. That's extremely impressive for such a busy doctor. I always leave our appointments with Dr. Goldman wishing he were a pediatrician...but I am glad that he is a pediatric hematologist/oncologist. He's there for us in the most difficult time.

I'm baaaaaack!

Guess what? Come on, guess.

I SCRAPPED yesterday!! And even MORE shocking...I liked the page I created!!
OH how good it feels to be back. It's been well over 2 months since I last created something of worth..something that I have confidence in and feel good about. I just wanna say AHHHHHH!

And I think I might be on a roll..I want to scrap more today..I have layout ideas swirling in my brain...

THIS IS SO AWESOME!

OK...

So..last night was pretty low-key (my way of saying we, as usual, stayed at home and watched TV). Greg had fallen asleep by 8:30, conveniently the same time the Mavs game had ended. I stayed up for another couple hours watching What Not to Wear. I just love that show. I want that Visa with $5000 on it. And I would EVER so willingly sacrifice my entire wardrobe for it. Maybe after I have this baby, I'll drop some hints to Greg... :)

Speaking of baby...it's all really feeling *real* now. I don't know what it is..perhaps the fact that I'm actually showing..albeit not much.. or maybe the fact that I am feeling tiny little kicks every now and then. They're very few & far between..but sweet nonetheless! It's definately my favorite part of pregnancy...